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Jeremiah has been having an
internet affair.

I am hurt to my core.

This blog has been about our (or apparently “my”) attempts to improve our marriage. He has agreed to go to counseling with me, and we are going to try to resolve this issue and make our marriage work, but the purpose of the blog, and my heart for it, are gone.

Thanks for those of you who have followed our journey and been encouraging. I appreciate you greatly!

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Compromise or Jeremiah Waxes Poetic

Twas the night before wifey
And all thru the house
Not a pussy was stirring
Not even a mouse

When all of a sudden
There arose such a clatter
My penis got up
and went up the ladder…

Jeremiah came in the door from work and greeted me with this version of the “Night before Christmas” poem this evening, fraught with sexy, rather than yuletide, joy.

I found the whole thing quite entertaining, especially with the looks and tone and … choreography? with which he delivered his little speech. We laughed together at his silliness, and it felt wonderful!

Last night, we had a heart to heart.
I grumbled to him that I felt like I didn’t matter to him. “You say you love me, but I don’t feel like you love me.” He said our marriage was broken and needed to be fixed but he didn’t know how. I asked him if he even wanted to fix it…if I was worth it. “You fought for me once upon a time, am I still worth it to you to fight for me now?”

He said the three little words that I hate, “I don’t know.” He uses those words quite often to avoid telling me something I don’t want to hear. Delving deeper, I learned that he feels like all we ever talk about are troubles and problems and bills. It’s overwhelming him.

To address his feelings, we have decided to try a weekly “business meeting” during which we will discuss any issues that need to be handled (like needing to call the exterminator). Urgent issues will still be handled right away.

To address my feelings, he has agreed to try not to ignore me.

So today, he has gone out of his way to show me a few minutes of attention (maybe 10 mins total), which made me feel truly loved. For my part, I have done the impossible and held my tongue, choosing instead to start a list of items I’d like to discuss with him at our first business meeting. (I really do need to call the exterminator!)

We both seem to feel better about things this evening. So far so good! 🙂

Hanky Spanky!

Hubby finally succumbed this weekend to the upper-respiratory malady that had plagued my daughter and I last week. So, there’s been no sexy action for a few days.

Tonight, he still didn’t feel well, but his more southerly head took over the decision making, and we made love!

To my great delight, during foreplay, J took me over his knees, and gave me a very nice erotic spanking.  He slapped his hand on my bottom on one side, rubbed, slapped the other side, rubbed, rinse, repeat. The spanks were not overly hard but not patty-cakey, either. A few times he would spank in the same spot two or three times before rubbing, and that made me jump (in a good way 🙂 ). Mmm. He stopped before I wanted him to, but it was so wonderful of him to do it for me.

He is gradually trying to overcome his concern of hurting me and trying to rewire his brain to believe that by hurting me he’s giving me pleasure.  Poor guy got a strange girl when he got me. I just can’t be normal and enjoy normal/vanilla sexy things…

An Open Letter to My Sweet Husband

Last night, I know you were tired and cranky. You had had a long, stressful day. All you wanted to do was get in your bed.

Instead, you made dinner, dealt with tired, fussy kids, loved on those kids, and generally kept the house running while I tried to sleep off my migraine.

Thank you for choosing to put your family first last night. Thank you for stepping up and doing what you didn’t want to do because it needed to be done. Thank you for taking the time and energy to make sure everyone else’s needs were met before you met your own.

I love you and thank you so much. I hate to think what life would be like without you.

All my love,
Your wife

My Rock

I’ve been really shaky inside for a few days over a difficult situation that will affect our family finances in a big way. I’ve had myself tied up in knots, and my attempts to talk with J about it have not gone well. But I didn’t know why. The situation was as much his issue as mine and I thought we were in it together, but he shut down when I brought it up. I felt like I was handling it alone, which only made me more emotional.

Tonight, thank God, we had a break through. I told him that I really needed help with the issues. This time he admitted that he felt the whole thing was his fault, and he thought I would have been better off had I never met him.

I was able to let him know that there’s no way I would be better off without him in my life and that the problem was as much (or more so) mine than his. I explained that his practical approach to life and problems keeps me grounded and that I rely on that practically to help me know how to tackle things one step at a time.
He’s my rock and he’s back to being exactly that. And I’m back to my happy place.

Weak in the Knees

That’s how I’m feeling right now. And it’s wonderful!

I awoke this morning to a fading wet dream and an empty bed. Crap. For the past few days, my daughter and I have been fighting colds and trying valiantly not to share our germs with the boys. Jeremiah has been great in giving me extra sleep time/naps this weekend as we both know that my body heals itself quickest when I get large amounts of rest. The strategy is paying off as I feel much better tonight than I have in several days. So far, the boys seem fine, thank God, but the “six-inch rule” sure puts a damper on one’s sex life…

This morning, the kids slept later than usual, so when my little alarm clocks woke mommy up from her dream (of getting spanked for trying to help a prisoner escape from an enemy spacecraft?? random) Jeremiah was long gone to work. Tonight, I had every intention of jumping his bones, but, as luck would have it, he worked late, and then we had a couple mishaps–one with a sippy cup that my son had stuck in the oven (and was only discovered when mama turned on the oven to make dinner) and the other with a toy that stabbed my daughter in the hand when she somehow fell out of bed on top of it. 

By the time I was able to take off my “mommy” cape, my lover was already in bed for the night.  I figured I was doomed to yet another fitful night of sexual frustration. Nope. J decided he wanted me more than he wanted sleep. (Yay!) So he gave me a good hard ride. Mmmmm. Yummy. I am pretty sure I’m going to sleep very well tonight indeed…weak-kneed and all. 🙂

While I am not a proponent of fighting simply in order to have opportunity to make up, making up this week was really quite fun. O:-)

So, since our “reunion” last weekend, Jeremiah and I have been a bit…um…disconnected, I guess. We did have a nice love making session that reestablished our connection over that weekend, but it was tough to “get there” mentally (for both of us, but mainly me), and I don’t think I did completely “get there.” Though I felt better about our relationship after our love making, I have continued to be out of sorts for days. And there had been no more amorous activity.

Not only that, Jeremiah was distracted and kept snipping at us. I felt neglected and positively in-the-way. It came to a head on Monday evening. Jeremiah came home from work in a terrible mood. I took the kids and went to my friend’s house to get out of his way.

He text messaged me asking why I was mad. I couldn’t believe that he didn’t know. When I had explained myself and he had explained himself, it became clear that our lack of communication had undermined us in a big way.

Tuesday night, he was ready to make up. After some erotic spanking, some oral attention, some cowboy riding, some toy usage, and trips to o-town for each of us, we were both feeling much better and more connected. It’s amazing how communication, love making, and willingness to listen to each other really brought us to such a peaceful place…together.

Stinky Problems

Jeremiah and I spent the last few days separated…Sort of.  Our septic system in our house was malfunctioning, so I took the kids to my parents` house for most of the week while we waited for the septic issues to be resolved. Jeremiah stayed at the house with our pets and braved the stinky septic.
Thank God, it’s all fixed now, and tonight we are all back under the same roof.

Over the last few days, J and I only talked a couple times for a few minutes each time. But I didn’t miss him. It makes me feel strange and guilty to admit it, but it’s true. The kids and I were super busy with outings the last few days–checking out schools, swimming, therapy, visits with the cousins, hanging out with the grandparents. I want to think that I was just so busy that I didn’t have time to miss him, but is that really the case or is it just an excuse?

He says he missed me because the bed was empty at night, but he never once called me to tell me he missed me or just to talk. He called me exactly one time during our sojourn– to ask how much money was in the bank account.

Is our marriage in as much trouble as I think or am I overreacting?

10-Day-Sex Challenge: Final Tally

Well, J and I had sex twice this weekend. Bringing our total to 6/10. I’m proud of us! There may be couples out there who can have sex every day or even a couple times a day, but we don’t find it doable in this season of our lives.
We have two small children–one with special needs–two dogs, work, housework, etc., vying for our attention, and sometimes, life gets tiring.

I have struggled this weekend with feeling unwell and generally miserable. J had been wonderful in caring for me. He has done dishes and laundry, watched the babies, gone grocery shopping, made sure we were fed (usually fast food, but I appreciated it, nonetheless). I am blessed to have J to do life with, even if we can’t have sex every single day…

🙂

Spanking A to Z Challenge: Good Girl Spankings

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G is for Good Girl Spankings!

Today’s topic is one that is close to my heart. I don’t think I can write a post explaining “GG” spankings better than one I recently found in my blog travels. J-girl at Taming of the Shrew wrote a beautiful exposition on the topic.

I recently received permission to reference her post here, but I cannot figure out how to “re-blog” it. So, instead, I’ll link to it.

The A-Z Spanking Challenge is over, but this post is well worth posting late!!

Good Girl Spankings

Enjoy! 🙂