I is for insecurities.

Jeremiah has a major insecurity about his looks. He has a medical condition that affects his looks. Because of this issue, he has always hated being naked in front of anyone, even me (clothing can hide much of the problem). In particular, he hides his legs from me. Even when he’s naked in bed, he keeps his legs from the shin down beneath the sheet.

I am adamant with him that I think he’s handsome and sexy, I am attracted to him, he’s an amazing lover, and the issue doesn’t bother me at all. I don’t think he believes me. I’m not sure he CAN believe me. He feels so poorly about his appearance that he can’t see how anyone could view him differently.

Personally, my insecurity is constant fear of failure. Jeremiah could tell me every day what a great wife and mother I am, but by the next day, I’m again convinced that I’m terrible at both. I strive to be a model wife and mother, but I fall so short. I’m often plagued by thoughts that either my marriage or my kids` futures (or both) will be compromised due to something I’ve done or failed to do.

I wish J and I could rest in the other’s assurances and let go of our insecurities–at least between just the two of us. (I may never convince my sister in law that I’m a good mother…) I just wish we could be each other’s safe place where we can be completely comfortable…nothing held back.

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