Half-Full Glass

I wrote this post on Friday. Apparently, I forgot to hit “publish”…

Jeremiah came home last night and went straight to bed. He was exhausted after a super busy day at work. He did wake up and eat around 9pm and sat to watch tv with me for awhile but didn’t last long before he was snoring again.

Even though the last two nights have been no-go`s, we have still done decently well with the challenge so far. We have had sex 4 times in 7 days. That’s better than 50%, and there are still 3 days left of our ten day sex challenge.

While it’s not exactly what I had hoped for, I’ve enjoyed our escapades so far, and I’m looking at it as a glassΒ  half full.

Not Tonight

Unfortunately, I upset J tonight. I spoke to him as gently as I knew how about a problem we seem to be having over and over again. He took it personally. I knew he would, but I felt that I needed to broach the subject with him. I am also at fault in this issue, and I told him that I would support whatever solution he came up with, but that something had to change.

The whole conversation took maybe 5 -10 minutes. But his mood was ruined for the remainder of the evening.  It stinks because I had thought that we were sailing toward sex on day six.

But it was not to be. Oh well. Maybe tomorrow.

Best Idea Ever!

Day five of the ten day sex challenge was downright fun.

It started during our trip to Home Depot…  J needed to pick up a few things to fix our toilet. The kids and I decided we wanted to tag along. After J had found the stuff he came for, we stopped at the paint section momentarily, and he saw the 98 cent yardstick, which he decided he just had to have. (I’ll bet you can guess where this is going.)

Always before we leave Home Depot we must visit the garden center because my son thinks it’s awesome. During the duration of our wanderings around the garden center and even in the main part of the store, J kept popping my butt with that yardstick. I was incredibly embarrassed, especially since I don’t want to explain such spanky activities to my preschoolers! πŸ™‚ Even through my embarrassment, however, I could feel my woman parts buzzing…

Well fast forward past all the normal family activities for the evening, and past J`s hours of frustration with the recalcitrant toilet, and we were finally able to contemplate bed time for mommy and daddy. I went to Jeremiah, knowing he was still pretty fussed up over the home improvement nightmare, and said, “I would really like it if we could find comfort in each other’s arms tonight.”

“No,” he growled. “I just want to sleep. I’m tired.”

I was disappointed, of course, but I understood, and I went to get ready for bed. I left the light on and read until he came to bed. “I know it’s disappointing that the toilet still isn’t working right, but I appreciate all your hard work on it. I’m glad you have the skills to do it so we don’t have to pay a plumber. Would you like a hand job?”

J decided he would like some amorous massage to his manhood, but after only a minute or two of my stroking him, his animal instincts took over. He touched and fondled and poked and prodded me in all the right places…even landed some spanks (unfortunately, no yardstick was used). I rode him in a modified version of the reverse cowgirl position, and the modification made it feel better to both of us. So, completely by accident, we created a new position for ourselves that we will attempt to duplicate in the future.

We were both smiling by the time it was done. The ten day sex challenge is the best idea ever!

10 Day Sex Challenge: Day Four

No “sheet music” of any kind yesterday. J was discouraged about a situation we have going on. When he’s discouraged, he doesn’t want to play…usually, he just wants to sleep.

I hope he will feel better this evening–not for the sake of sex, but a sexy rendezvous would be a nice side effect of his improved mood.

10 Days of Sex: 3 for 3

So, this weekend was yucky and rainy. ALL. WEEKEND. LONG.
So, mommy and daddy spent a lot of time entertaining preschoolers who had serious cases of cabin fever. Stealing a few minutes alone for our 10-day sex challenge was tricky.

We actually ended up having some quickie fun on Friday evening (the ostensible day one), so we made love twice that day (yay!).

Day two we weren’t able to roll in the hay, unfortunately. But I figure if you average it out, we had sex two times in two days, so I figure that made us 2 for 2. πŸ™‚

Yesterday was day three. The day was busy with church services, spending some time at my parents` house, and entertaining two rather energetic little ones. It was late by the time J and I got into bed together. He proclaimed that he was tired and immediately rolled over to go to sleep. I wrapped my arm around him and told him how much I appreciate his work ethic and his providing for our family. (Trying to sneak in some words of affirmation). I told him thank you, kissed him, and rolled over to go to sleep. I didn’t expect anything amorous because it was so late.

Next thing I know, he tells me to go get a towel…our code for sex. (I know, not so romantic! But it works for us!) I happily grab a towel from the linen closet and don my birthday suit. He, similarly un-clad, begins running his hands over the parts of me that are off limits to all but him (well, and my ob-gyn. Ugh).

He told me that our activities last night were all for my pleasure. I happily lapped up the attention and the touches. He bit my nipples and played with my bottom; we kissed and cuddled; he massaged my nether regions with lovely-smelling oil.

All of these activities naturally led to full-fledged love-making, and we both visited O-town. Then, practicality won out and we stopped rolling in the hay and hit it instead. πŸ™‚

Today I’m a happy girl. I hope J is similarly pleased.

Paydirt

As I mentioned in a previous post, I have been reading Have a New Husband by Friday by Dr. Kevin Leman.

Tonight I read the “Wednesday” assignment. I’m going to need to read it again…and again. It’s all about the way that wives and husbands communicate. Dr. Leman lists some words that wives often use that come across as disrespectful to their husbands: “why,” “but,” “always/never,” etc.  I am guilty of all of them…in excess. I also struggle with being critical of J and of having a “tone” when I speak to him. The list of my offenses when it comes to communication with my hubby is LONG.

In her comment on my post last night, Sub`s Missives noted that perhaps J needed me to show him love in his love language to help him feel respected. I believe J`s primary love languages are gifts and words of affirmation.

So, it seems that if I use my words more wisely, I could really affect our marriage. And better yet, I could make my hubby feel like a million bucks.

Taming my tongue will not be easy. Changing habits is also not going to be easy. But, as the Bible says,  “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.” Philippians chapter 4, verse 13.

Day one: Redux

Jeremiah woke me up this morning with kisses, caresses, and love-making. It was nice. I enjoyed it, but I was so groggy at 5am that I’m not sure I did much more than moan in appreciation.

When I was a bit more coherent, I asked him if he prefers to make love in the mornings, and he said yes because he’s just so tired at night. There were also some other issues last night that interfered with our couple libido. We discussed those things this morning, briefly.

I feel that we are in a better place this this morning. I don’t know that I’ll ever climax during early morning sex because my brain has to be engaged for me to be really turned on, but I’ll take a.m. sex over no sex.

So if we count today as day one, then we are one for one. πŸ™‚

10 in a Row

Jeremiah this morning asked if I wanted to do a ten-day challenge. He said he heard on the radio about a challenge to have sex for ten days in a row. Apparently the radio host said that many guys give up two or three days into the challenge.

I told him that I’m game! πŸ™‚ I have my doubts that we can go ten days in a row…after all, life usually gets in the way. But it sounds like it will be fun to try! πŸ™‚

Statistics

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I am a researcher. It is who I am. I used to love to read the encyclopedia just to learn new interesting facts…yes, a confirmed geek.

So, when I read marriage books, self-help books, how-to books, etc., I rely on statistics to help me know what is the best course of action. I find it frustrating when I (or my kids or my marriage) don’t fit the “majority” mindset.

I have started reading a book called Have a New Husband by Friday by Dr. Kevin Leman.

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As I am reading his advice to wives on how they can help their husbands and their marriages thrive, I keep thinking that Jeremiah and I don’t seem to fit the mold the author is using as his basis.

For example: sex. The author assumes that the husband is the more sexually needy spouse. At this point in our marriage, I am most definitely the higher need spouse. I know that toward the beginning of our marriage, J was the higher need spouse, though, so for us it’s kind of a fluid concept.

At any rate, I am hoping some of the concepts in this book will be helpful even though J and I don’t completely fit the stats. The author’s comments about respect and feeling needed, however, do seem “right on” regarding Jeremiah. I hope I can be a better companion for J so that our marriage will get stronger.